


this is based off a real dream i had

by brii



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Gen, look i? dont know
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-30
Updated: 2017-04-30
Packaged: 2018-10-25 16:52:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10768446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brii/pseuds/brii
Summary: the IPRE set off on another EPIC adventure





	this is based off a real dream i had

**Author's Note:**

> this got away from me. probably the most incoherent thing ive ever written ENJOY

the star blaster landed unsteadily onto what everyone assumed was hard stone. as the engine powered off, magnus had already made a beeline to the window, peering outside. "what the fuck," he said, as did everyone did when they entered a new reality.

lucretia was second at the window, notebooks open and dick out, poking her head above magnus' shoulder. "what the fuck," she said.

the world looked relatively normal compared to other sights the scientists had seen. the sky was blue, the foliage and grass all seemed to be familiar to their home world. the only real difference is that everything was in a low poly resolution like a ps 1 game and there wasn't actually a sky or trees or grass, just fucking blocky shapes with textures painted onto them.

the crew stepped out onto their new world they would be spending a year in. there was no breeze, as it was too complicated to render the triangle trees to sway.

"we seem to be in some sort of retro video gaming system's simulation," barry said, adjusting his glasses.

"thanks barry," everyone said at once.

"hey merle what can you make of this," captainport asked merle who was supposed to be the biology expert. merle walked over to a hexagonal bush and knocked on it like a door. it made a hollow metal sound.

"uh," he said.

magnus tried punching a large rock but ended up clipping his arm through it. "i can't pull out!!" he screamed in terror while everyone laughed like 8 year olds. "NO SERIOUSLY GUYS WHAT DO I DO" magnus screamed some more.

"you could try resetting the game," lup offered.

"yeah but then we'd lose our progress," taako pointed out. "does anyone know any cheat codes?"

"i actually looked this up on do you know gaming once," lucretia said and then started moving erratically like someone was controlling her from another plane of existence. magnus' arm was free.

"woah lucretia that was sick!!!!!! how did you do that!!!" magnus was bouncing up and down excitedly. then he punched the rock again, jamming his arm inside. "do it again."

"you can only use that move once per day," lucretia said a little sheepishly.

while magnus was furiously and desperately attempting to free his arm (and failing) the group started to set up camp relatively close to the ship. the world was pretty small, and anything beyond a mile or so just lead to a Black Void that no one could actually touch or interact with unless they clipped under the map.

"well at least the light of creation should be easy to find now," merle said optimistically.

"that's true, there's a lot of valuable information that we could retrieve this year since we don't have to any time looking for it," barry agreed.

"we lucked out this time i guess," captainport nodded.

"yeah where's the food though," taako said.

the group then became quiet, pondering over this for a minute (except for magnus who was yelling and grunting in the background).

"we could just eat magnus first," lup was the first to say something.

"yeah he's big and stuff," taako added, "probably a little gamey, but beggars can't be choosers."

"hey hey hey wait!!" captainport shouted despite the fact that no one was really talking over him, "we're not savages, there's got to be food somewhere, right?"

"i doubt anything here is edible, actually," merle shrugged. "it'd be like trying to lick paint off of a can."

"what does it matter, he always dies anyways," taako huffed impatiently. "it's been like, 4 hours since i ate anything so idk about you guys but i'm pretty much starving."

"YOU GUYS BETTER NOT BE TALKING ABOUT EATING ME BEHIND MY BACK," magnus shouted from a distance. the entire group shouted back at him, yelling things like "naaaaaah" and "whaaat? nooo!! that's crazy" for a very awkward 45 seconds until everyone one by one began to quiet down.

"shouldn't we think through this at little more fantasy darwinistically," barry suggested. "like...don't the sick and elderly go first? like in wild buffalo herds?"

everyone looked at merle.

"wait" merle took a step back.

 

\---

 

night had fallen in the low poly ps1 game plane reality. the square moon shone a bright mustard yellow in the dark blue sky with blurry white star pixels as the sky texture. the crew had started a fire, the starblaster so close by that it reflected some of the fire's light off of its pristine white surface. everyone was eating ravenously at some meat, barely waiting until it was cooled off enough to eat it. even magnus was brought a plate of it, his arm still clipped through the rock.

"i promise i'll free you first thing in the morning," lucretia said.

"thanks lucretia," magnus could only face her halfway. he didn't know how to pick up his plate and eat the meat with one hand so lucretia gave up and just put the meat in his hand.

as lucretia returned to the scene with the rest of the crew, she noticed everyone was having a good time and chatting.

"i can't believe how much food that ended up being!" captainport said.

"weird how the stars align like that, huh?" lup said through a mouthful.

"it's a good thing we found all those boxes of dominos pizza buffalo wings medium sauce just standing there out in the open in a corner of the map we hadn't explored yet!" merle chimed happily, full and content.

"yeeeep," said lucretia as she had some dominos pizza buffalo wings medium sauce.

just then, something bright and white blinked into vision in the night sky. too detailed and non jpegy to be another star, the object began to float down slowly upon the crew. it was instantly recognizable--the light of creation.

"about time!" everyone could hear magnus shout.

"its so beautiful," barry said in awe.

just as the light was about to touch the ground, white spikes and bars began to shoot out of it randomly, and the light itself seemed to be blinking and teleporting to different areas of the map.

"oh no," captainport stood up, dropping his wings, "it's glitching out. everyone get back on the ship!"

as the light of creation continued to do some weird car boys shit, everyone shuffled back into the star blaster just to be safe.

"wait, shit, what about magnus?!" lup was already stepping onto the bridge and then turned made a 180 to face her friend, far off in the distance.

"uhhhh!!!!! ummmmm what the fuck is happening!!!!!" magnus began to pull at his arm again, still to no avail.

"lup, leave him," taako was yanking lup by the hand. "like i said: he literally always dies."

"but thats not the morally correct thing to do!!!!!!" lup argued.

"lup i swear to g-"

merle pushed them both inside.

 

"probably the most abstract way i've died so far," magnus nervously chattered to himself as the light continued to freak the fuck out, but silently while the ps1 background music was still playing like normal. eventually, after a very non linear set of behaviors, the light teleported to magnus, blinking and tearing apart and stringing back together rapidly.

magnus shut his eyes and prepared for the worst. the black in his vision turned bright white and he felt something shift, but no pain. when he opened his eyes, he was standing in a T pose just a few feet away from his spawning point, which was just a few meters away from the ship. the light then stopped glitching and settled next to the rock where magnus was trapped next to for 18 hours, glowing and shining like it always had previous realities prior.

taako popped his head out of one of the windows "you aight?"

magnus took a moment to answer, stepping out his T pose. "i.......think???? so?????"

taako noticed that the light was no longer glitching and then informed the rest of the crew. everyone stepped out of the ship and went directly to the light.

captainport held up the light like in those zelda games when you find rupees or the sword or something. "we got it!" he cheered victoriously

"lemme see it," barry took it from him and the same little diddy happened again. "oh sweet does it do that every time??"

"i wanna try!!" magnus took the light from barry and tried to make his zelda pose thing look really cool.

"zelda games aren't for the playstation though," lucretia, the gamer, explained.

"fucken...whatever its the same aesthetic," lup swiped the light from magnus and Did The Thing.

"Well It's A Good Thing Everything Turned Out Okay And Nothing Bad Happened," merle stood with his hands on his hips, looking confident.

"That Sure Is A Good Thing You Said!" everyone said back to merle, and they all got together, holding the light.

"i guess you could say, we got the high score!!!!" barry said and then everyone just started fucking HOWLING with laughter for several minutes and then freeze frame.

 

its 1 am

**Author's Note:**

> ready to be hired as a co writer for taz, any day


End file.
